For many adult friends, the most difficult part of the friends with benefits relationship is not to find that right person, but to demand the relationship itself. For some adult friends, this is a fear of offending potential partners. This is not an unreasonable fear. For some adult friends, asking for fwb dating sounds like “Hey, I’m interested in making love with you.” The last thing you want to do is to make the impression that you just want to dress yourself up as “a person I can get through without even thinking about their needs” in more beautiful language.
For others, it may be difficult to know what to say. How do you tell others that you don’t want to BBW date, but you want to go out to play, have a drink, and get intimate occasionally? Many adult friend finders try to avoid this problem by not talking about it. Everything should avoid labels because labels can cause pressure. It is much easier and less complicated to let this matter take its course, instead of putting pressure on yourself by talking about it.
Needless to say, this is a great way to make everyone suffer. One of the reasons for the breakdown of the friends with benefits relationship is that one party feels that it has been neglected, or that it has been hurt because things are unclear. One side believes in a set of rules or guidelines, while the other has completely different expectations. Once these two conflicting views conflict, the drama breaks out and everyone feels uneasy and confused when they go home.
Although it may be embarrassing to have a relationship, determining conversation, setting conditions in advance can save everyone time, trouble, and heartbreak. Ideally, you want to determine what you have before having jumping into the bed. Physical contact makes things complicated and confusing. If you enter an ambiguous situation, you risk some serious unrest. It is easy to postpone things until someone asks a question like you two often meet each other and hookup together, what does that suppose to mean? Maybe you think this is something more serious. So, when you know that you two are together, you will want to sit down and make things as clear as possible.
Many adult friend finders are uncomfortable with what they want from a tinder hookup relationship. By leading the conversation and ending with “how are you”, you are modeling the conversation and communication you want. You are allowing them to be as frank and honest as you are, without having to worry about being punished.
From here, you are free to discuss and negotiate what you want and need from this affair dating relationship. It is also important that you list what you do not want and cannot give. The last part is crucial. Although you cannot stop friend finders from having unrealistic expectations, you can at least try to avoid dramatic things. If there is no other way than the relationship between friends, you need to emphasize this point again. You may not be able to stop someone from breaking your heart, but you can at least make sure they know what they are doing.